When Love Feels Heavy: Parenting Through Tough Choices and Uncertainty
The Moment:
"My teenage son is using substances, refusing help, and showing complete apathy toward school, home—everything except hanging out with friends and making money. He has called me names no mother should hear, and his disrespect is beyond anything I ever imagined. I spend my work hours and late nights researching what he’s likely using, how he’s getting around screen time limits, and what health concerns I should be watching for.
He’s started seeing a therapist, but only wants to go once a month. He’ll stop using one substance, only to replace it with something else—things that won’t show up on a drug test but still harm him, like energy drinks, excessive screen time, or even CO2. I’m working with his school to explore options, and I take care of myself as best I can, but as a single mom, it’s just too much sometimes."
Why This Matters:
This HERstory moment reflects a reality that many parents face—watching a child struggle while feeling powerless to fix it. It’s a heavy, complicated mix of love, fear, exhaustion, and guilt. When you’re doing everything you can to help but still met with resistance, it can feel like you’re failing—but you’re not.
You’re showing up. You’re fighting for your son. And you’re doing the best you can in a challenging situation.
Reflections & Insights:
If you’re navigating something similar, here are a few things to remember:
You are stronger than you feel. The fact that you are searching for solutions, collaborating with his school, and keeping the conversation open—even when it’s painful—speaks to your resilience and commitment.
Boundaries are an act of love. It’s okay to step back and protect your energy. Set limits on what behaviors you will and won’t tolerate, and remind yourself that prioritizing your well-being is necessary, not selfish.
Small wins matter. Maybe he’s at least agreeing to therapy once a month. Maybe there’s a moment—however brief—where he engages in something positive. Celebrate those moments, even if they feel small.
You don’t have to do this alone. Whether it’s leaning on a trusted friend, seeking out a support group, or just permitting yourself to ask for help, you deserve support, too.
Your Turn:
Have you ever felt completely drained by trying to help someone who won’t meet you halfway? How do you navigate that fine line between showing up for them and protecting your own energy?
Share Your HERstory Moment:
If this resonates with you, I invite you to share your story. You’re not alone in this, and your experiences might just help another parent who feels like they’re struggling in silence.